How not to go crazy and go home

Never travel with children. Especially if there are two of them: one 6 years, and the second 1.5 years. This is the conclusion I came to when, after a week-long tour from Yekaterinburg to St. Petersburg, I finally crossed the threshold of my home. In fact, the article could end there. Select the test in bold, enlarge, insert in a red frame and hang at the entrance of all stations, airports and ports of the world. But it will be unfair to those unhappy parents who, like me, have no one to leave their children with. When the thirst for wandering beckons and it seems a crime to spend a vacation on the couch, a person is capable of the most insane antics.

Those who are afraid to fly, or simply do not have enough money for it. Those who are not afraid of difficulties and stupid adventures. For those who have two or more children...

5 hours until departure

Children sleep in front of the road. My wife and I are packing suitcases. We are faced with an unsolvable question: how much and what things to take on the road. In St. Petersburg, the weather is unpredictable, in Yekaterinburg for several weeks is the heat. It is tempting to bring shorts and a pair of T-shirts. But the idea that walking Nevsky in shorts under the dodge is a utopia makes you pack jackets, jackets and an umbrella in your suitcase, which categorically refuses to fit anywhere. So, one suitcase full of adult stuff is packed and humbly waiting in the hallway. The most important part of the collection comes - children's things. As a result, two small people have a suitcase the size of two adults. Tights, shorts, socks, pants and a pair of ceremonial and weekend dresses, in case of an unexpected invitation to a reception with the Queen of England. My wife is always ready for such a development, so we have glasses at home that you can not drink, plates from which you can not eat and towels that you can not wipe.

Baby stuff is packed. It's time to collect toys and food. Suitcase 3 comes out here. I’m starting to regret not having three hands. Even toys that children have never touched at home are immersed in it. All under the same motto: “Suddenly”, we take with us a harem of dolls, a dozen cars plus one music house, a musical steering wheel and, finally, a medium-sized hare, without which the daughter flatly refuses to sleep.

At the exit, we have, or rather have my hands and back: three suitcases, a shoulder backpack and an Ashanov bag with food. Our camp is heading towards sunset. We get in a taxi and go to the station. I think we're missing the tame bear on the chain, I'm gonna pee out the window and really want to go back to work.

Station. “The fast train starts boarding...”

The train is waiting, but I think it's just me. Everyone takes turns wanting to go to the toilet. My son is taking care of it right in my arms, the girls have gone somewhere, and they've been gone for 15 minutes. I'm beginning to think that my wife's sense of self-preservation has awakened and she's run away from us, leaving her daughter in the bathroom. Turns out, no, they're coming back. I understand that this woman, if I were a Decembrist, would follow me to Siberia.

On the way.

I felt hatred for our family from the conductor and the passengers as soon as we got on the train. It seemed that the glasses were ready to throw themselves off the tables and commit suicide without being filled with boiling water. They all knew what turned out on the train two young children, a bearded man and a woman with purple hair. I was especially sorry for my roommate. I'm personally sure she went numb when she saw us. In any case, until the end of the journey, she did not say a word, only lay with her eyes closed, probably hoping to die. We lost her at night in the Kirov area (she got off the train).

The children behaved as usual, which is what I feared. The little screamer, the elder, always wanted something, and not getting what she wanted, threw herself into tears.

Remember the point! On the way with children from complete madness you can save only gadgets. We took two smartphones with us, a tablet, plus I had an old Nokia hidden in my sock, in extreme cases, you could turn on a snake. On each gadget, the maximum amount of Internet was connected. The trouble is that it is possible to distract children in this way only in the area of settlements, that is, where there is Internet. When the network was lost, I cursed Russia with its vast territory.

Our coupe turned into a children's room 15 minutes after the train left. How do kids do that? Everything is littered with toys, some pieces of paper and parts from Lego, although we did not take it with us. At home, I said, “Either the designer is coming, or I am!” When they throw away toys, they start to want to eat. Afterwards, without an answer to my question, “Mom, what should I do?” I’m bored, the daughter always crawled from the top shelf to the bottom, pushing her brother to this. Having collected all the severity, I ordered her to climb on the top shelf and not get off for a while. But it was long gone. In the end, it all ended in a duet.

There is a great practice on the train to turn off the lights early. This is very helpful if you are traveling with children. Turned off the light for them, as for Pavlov's dogs, a conditional signal that means it's time to sleep. The question arises, where to sleep your daughter: downstairs or upstairs? She's six, and she has to sleep alone. It is more logical to sleep below - it is safer there. There is also a handrail at the top, thanks to which it will not fall. The wife finally put her son on the bottom shelf. As soon as he started sang, we exhaled. I wanted to open the champagne, instead of which we poured tea, sat down, hugged, and listened to the beat of the wheels. We knew we had to enjoy every minute of it, because we still have more than twenty hours to go and the kids are going to wake up in six.

Further developments developed in a similar way. The return journey was no exception. Perhaps the following incidents are worth noting.

On the way to St. Petersburg, on the second night, the daughter slept downstairs, from where she fell three times. It was picked up by a woman who drilled me and my wife in the morning with a look that read one thing: "Bad parents, bad parents, bad parents."

On the way back, while trying to get off the top shelf, she fell again. This time I played the pantomime of "superdaddy" by rushing to her. He lifted up his arms and started yelling at the whole car: “How are you?” Are you all right? Show me where it hurts. I don't think anyone believed me. When trying to carry boiling water, she cooked a little boy of 14 years. But his mom didn't yell at the little girl, instead telling me and my wife. In our defense, we did not allow her to go for boiling water - she herself.

In the end, we survived this road, although it would have been better not to. If possible, fly by plane, it is only a few hours of discomfort. The kids on the train are much harder than us. They're really bored. Asking them to sit down and look out the window is silly.

Author of the text: Evgeny Bogomolov

Photo: 1tv.com, travel.razvitie-krohi.ru, razvitievradost.ru, agregator.pro